Jesse Hates Kids, Kids Love Jesse, and Ana Loathes Jesse
by Chicken Zeus
Summary: Five years was a fine line that only McCree seemed to respect.


**Jesse Hates Kids, Kids Love Jesse, and Ana Hates Jesse**

 **Warnings: Adult Language/content**

* * *

 **Location: Watchpoint Switzerland**

 **Time: Approximately Eighteen Years Ago**

McCree was in the mess hall trying to find a seat while avoiding being trampled on by the swarms. The cramped room wasn't designed to hold as many people as the base currently staffed and it was obvious from the overflowing tables. He liked eating alone but he wasn't opposed to sitting with some nobodys if he had to. He canvassed the room but found no vacancies.

"You know, you don't have to eat in the mess hall?"

He had heard someone approach his flank but he was caught off guard by the voice all the same.

"I know a spot we could eat. Nobody ever goes there during lunchtime."

He eyed the Amari kid curiously.

"Alright, lead the way."

"Sweet! It's the best spot on base. Literally nobody goes there!"

She prattled on for a bit but Jesse had stopped listening a while ago. He was planning on eating outside but he figured a bit of company couldn't hurt.

He recognized the different turns they had been taking now, they were heading to the elevators. Fareeha stopped in front of the elevator and signaled it down. The door immediately opened and she rushed it. She turned around with a pleased/excited look on her face.

He waited for a bit, taking all this in. Her demeanor struck him as odd. He was a man who usually listened to his gut but he dismissed it that moment. She was just a kid after all.

She expectedly waved him in and he stepped through without any more delay. He was sure to put a healthy distance between them in the elevator but that didn't matter much when she whirled on him instantly.

"Close your eyes."

"Pardon me miss?"

"I want it to be a surprise so close your eyes."

"Alright."

"Good, now keep them closed."

He felt the elevator begin to move upwards and after a brief passing of time it came to a stop.

"Don't open them yet."

He felt a hand grab hold of his forearm and start to pull. He blindly let her lead him along. The only indicator of where they were was the distinct sound of a metal grating under his feet.

"There's some stairs here."

He let her guide him up the metal staircase till they reached the top. He heard her open and door and he immediately felt a burst of wind. His eyes shot open and he saw that they were on the roof of the base. More specifically he saw that they were near what he called the dulex helipad. High ranking officials and officers usually were the ones to use this pad. She marched up to the helipad and sat on the edge with her feet hanging off.

"You sure this is a good idea? What if an Orca comes in?"

"Have you ever had one of those things sneak up on you?"

"Yeah."

"Oh … well it's a good thing you got me with you."

"I feel safer already."

"Sarcasm doesn't do you any good Jesse."

"Sure it does."

"How does someone have an Orca sneak up on them anyway?"

"It was a different life kid."

"I'm not a kid!"

"Heh, says every kid. How old are you anyway?"

"You know how old I am Jesse McCree. We met when I was twelve and it's been two years."

"So you're still a kid then?"

"No, I'm a young woman."

"Who still lives with mama."

"Lot's of men and women live with their parents."

"Not if they don't have to."

"Stop talking with your mouth full, and I have to. There's laws."

"There's also a healthy can of Cap'n Amari whoopass too."

She broke out giggling in a decisively kid-esque manner. She had grown up quite a bit though. She was taller now and was well on her way to becoming a woman, but she still lacked the emotional maturity that is associated with adulthood.

"I don't know why you're afraid of her?"

"She's an officer, I'm supposed to be afraid of her."

"You're not afraid of Gabe?"

"Different kind of fear."

"How do you mean?"

"The boss and me are cut from the same cloth. He's a hard SOB who would beat the shit out of you to teach you a lesson. I can respect that. Sometimes a man needs a beat down."

She giggled again.

"And mom is somehow worse than that?"

"Yeah, course."

Puzzlement flooded her features and McCree mentally prepared himself for a more extensive discussion than he would have liked.

"If Boss has a beef with you he'd take it your face. It's not personal, it's not sadistic, he just wants things done right."

"..."

"I get the feeling that Amari doesn't like me all that much. Personally I mean. She tends to glare at me whenever we've been near the other."

"That's stupid. Why would she dislike you?"

"Plenty of reasons Far. Let's talk about something else, alright?"

"If you say so, but I think you're wrong. You just haven't spent that much time with her. She'd really like you."

"You trying to set us up kid?"

What! Ew! No! That's disgusting! Why would you even say that! She's old! I mean, she could be your mother! You're not that much older than me."

"I'm nineteen kid."

"See! We're only five years apart."

"Alright, raise your hand if you can, legally drive, watch an R-rated movie, vote, buy alcohol-"

"You can't buy alcohol McCree."

"I can in Switzerland."

"If we're playing it like that then I'm sure there are countries where I can do all that too."

"Like?"

"Um…."

She was saved and McCree was doomed by the sound of a door opening.

"There's a lot of red tape there Morrison. You think maybe you should let me and my boys take care of it."

It was Reyes, Strike Commander Morrison, and the Devil Amari herself. The very first thing she did was lock her eyes on McCree and fix him with a stare that could burn stars into black holes.

"Fareeha."

"Hi mom!"

"McCree."

"Boss."

"What are you doing on this pad trooper it's reserved for VIP landings?"

"Ahem, well you see Strike Commander … I … er … I mean-"

"We were having lunch."

It was the second time that McCree had ever seen Morrison smile.

"That so Fareeha? Well no craft is coming in so you can go ahead and finish up."

McCree almost lost his jaw. He had rarely interacted with the strike commander but he always came across as a hardass. It seemed like he had a soft spot for the kid though. Amari was still staring though.

Morrison immediately launched back into conversation with Reyes and Far went right back to prattling on about something. Ana's eyes never left McCree, even when she contributed to the talk her eyes never left her target.

Jesse was overwhelmingly aware of the stare. He tried to ignore it but he started fidgeting anyway. It didn't help that Far was seemingly oblivious. He took mostly to eating with limited results. He still felt the glare blazing into his back but at least he was distracted.

Eventually, he felt comfortable enough to get back into the banter he was having with Fareeha. She was still trying to prove her adulthood and their similar age brackets. Her evidence now was fashion.

"You're trying to tell me that buying clothes from the adult section makes you an adult?"

"Of course you wouldn't think so, you still dress like a kid."

"How do you figure?"

"The hat, the cape, the belt, what does that mean anyway?"

"What?"

"BAMF."

"Oh, badass motherfucker."

"McCree!"

Everyone paused at the sudden outburst from the elder Amari. McCree's blood solidified in his eyes, which were fiery before, were positively scorching now. She purposefully marched up to McCree, leaving the startled Overwatch commanders gaping.

"Do you enjoy corrupting my daughter?"

"Ma'am?"

"Is it your intention for her to speak in a foul manner?"

"What? Of … of course not."

"Then kindly refrain from associating with her in the future."

She turned towards a stunned Far.

"Fareeha. Come."

She turned back towards Morrison.

"With your permission Commander I'd like to take my daughter to my quarters, I'll have the files in your inbox by oh eight hundred tomorrow."

Morrison simply nodded, just as stunned as everyone else.

"Permission granted."

"Thank you."

She immediately began marching towards the door, her daughter in tow. Fareeha looked sheepishly over her shoulder and waved.

"Bye Jesse."

He gave a rather lame wave back.

"See you kid."

The door closed with a resounding thud and silence permeated the air. Everyone's eyes were fixed on the door. Slowly, Morrison turned back and straightened himself. His eyes locked onto McCree's. The gunslinger met his gaze and didn't budge. Morrison turned back towards Reyes.

"It's your division."

With that he turned and left. It wasn't until the door closed that McCree glanced towards Gabe who let out a soft chuckle.

"Another fine example of your social grace."

"What the hell was that! Who the hell doesn't curse here! It's a military base!"

"It's deeper than that McCree. Are you really that clueless?"

"About what? A mother being protective? I've seen it before but I've never seen one that's worried about cursing on a military base!"

"It's not that McCree."

"Then what is it?"

"Fareeha likes you."

"So? I like her too, she's a good kid and she doesn't act like I'm ingrate shit."

"Not like that Jesse."

"Huh?"

Reyes just stared at Jesse, waiting for him to understand what he was really saying. McCree squinted his eyes in concentration then cocked his head to side before his eyes widened in understanding.

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh."

"Well that doesn't mean she gets to be a jackass about it. She's a kid for crying out loud! It's not like I'm gon-"

"You're a bad influence Jesse."

McCree paused at that. Gabe said he **_was_** bad influence, not that Ana thought he was. Ouch.

"Huh?"

"You drink, you smoke, you curse like a sailor, you pick fights, you've got an attitude like a castrated dog-"

"I resent that!"

"So do I. You're not a pleasant person to be around."

"..."

"..."

"You're right. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize McCree, it's weak."

"I try boss, you know I do?"

"I knew what I was getting when I brought you along McCree. You're good gunman."

"That it?"

"What else do I need you for?"

"Weren't you trying to redeem me or something?"

"I can't do that McCree. I gave you a chance for a fresh start, the redemption is your choice."

"What should I do boss?"

"How the hell should I know. Just screw with Amari again."

He turned and walked to the door but stopped before opening it.

"McCree."

"Yeah?"

"Don't be coward. Man up and take the problem on. I don't need a loss of unit cohesion because of personal issues."

"Yeah boss."

"You're mine, not hers. There's only so much she can do to you before she's messing with me and she knows better."

"Understood."

Gabe went through the door.

* * *

 **Location: Outside Amari's Office**

 **Time: Four Hours Later**

With as much bravery as he could muster, McCree knocked on the door. Nothing happened. He knocked again but still no answer.

He checked his watch. She was normally in her office at this time. Where could she-

"McCree."

His soul almost leapt from his body as he spun around to find Captain Amari causally observing him. Her eyes were still ablaze.

"Cap'n Amari!"

"I don't recall calling you to my office."

He stood at attention as best as he could, or at least his closest approximation. Reyes wasn't too keen on military discipline and didn't really enforce marching drills or anything of the like.

Right now McCree wished he did. He would probably feel less stupid that way.

"No ma'am."

"Did Gabriel put you to this?"

First name basis? Gross.

"No ma'am."

"Jack then?"

"Who?"

"Commander Morrison."

"Oh, no ma'am. I'm here on my own accord."

She gave him an appraising look before moving to enter her office. He had to move out of the way to avoid being walked through. She stood in the doorway for a spell.

"Wait here."

The closed and McCree was left waiting in the hallway. So he did what he was told and waited.

And waited.

For around thirty minutes he waited. He was about to leave when the door opened.

"Enter."

He stepped through and stood at attention. Amari hadn't bothered to look up at him. She was still typing away when she posed the question.

"Why are you here McCree?"

She ceased her typing and gave Jesse her full attention. He was put off by it to say the least. He hadn't bothered to memorize a speech or even plan out how he was going to do this. His first mistake was not listening to his gut and he wasn't about to repeat that mistake.

"Two reasons ma'am: redemption and gratitude. You know I'm not the best man, but I know it better. It kept me up at night, and made me keep a gun under my pillow. I got low and did things that can never be undone."

"..."

"But it's never too late to do the right thing which is why I'm here in Overwatch. The reason I'm here in your office is cause of gratitude. Everyone here has helped me be a better person. Even you, course I'm usually just afraid you'd shoot me dead if I did anything wrong. But I don't want any sort of bad blood coming in the gang on account of me."

"..."

"If you want me to stay away from your daughter I'll do my damnedest. I reckon I'll need a restraining order but I'll do my best."

"..."

"I won't wear the belt no more and I'll keep my mouth shut around kids."

"..."

"Hell, the docs have told me to cut back on the smokes anyhow. Figure it might be about time."

"..."

"Might need some more work on the cursing but I think-"

"Do you always talk this much?"

"Not especially."

"Are you always this forward?"

"Only way I know to do it ma'am. It keeps me honest."

For the first time in his life McCree held eye contact with the world's deadliest sniper Captain Ana Amari. She didn't let up though. Hey eyes drilled into him with all the intensity that she brought to the battlefield.

Jesse had never believed and thus had never had a conversation based on eye contact alone. It seemed in everything he had ever read, people could magically transmit and decipher information from the most minute facial expression. Jesse had never seen the evidence of that in his life. He sucked at reading faces and he only had a few expression he could pull from.

But in that moment, in Amari's office, as a dumb nineteen year old kid, he felt like he was baring his soul. She seemed to be examining it too, carefully looking at every sin, every fault, every weakness, every ounce of hatred, and all the good that was there too.

At that moment, he was the ram that was about to be slaughter on the altar of parental protection, but then she smiled. Not a smirk, not an amused snort or chuckle, but a genuine toothy smile. Her eyes no longer burned, but gave a sense of warmth that McCree had seen in a long time.

He looked away instantly, bowing his head and letting his hat cover his face. He could handle staring hatred in the face, but not something like this.

"McCree."

He cleared his throat.

"Ma'am?"

"I remember reading in your last combat drill that you scored ninety-four percent accuracy rate, correct?"

What?

"Uh, that sounds about right ma'am."

"Well we can do better can't we? Meet me at the range tomorrow at thirteen hundred hours. We'll have you shooting in the hundred percentile in no time."

What. The. Hell.

He sobered up as best as he could and did his best to assert a more rigid and professional stance.

"It will be an honor to learn from the best ma'am."

He gave her a tip of his hat for good measure. She laughed, not chuckled, in response.

"Such a charmer. I can see why Fareeha likes you."

"She's a good kid, ma'am. I reckon she takes a lot after you?"

"To my misfortune."

He had to bite his tongue to keep himself from laughing.

"You were aware my daughter has a crush on you, yes?

"To be honest ma'am, no."

"Really? But it was obvious?"

"I'm rather oblivious when it comes to girls ma'am. I'm only nineteen."

Amari looked almost somber for a moment. He could only imagine what flicked across her mind but he liked to think it was something empathetic for nineteen year olds and their struggle with the opposite gender.

"One more thing to teach you then."

"Ma'am?"

"That will be all McCree."

He snapped to attention and gave a lopsided salute before leaving. Jesse had no idea what happened but he knew better than to look a gift horse in the mouth. He was alive, and for that he was grateful. As he moved through the halls, he remembered Commander Morrison, he was there too after all. Should he try to set the record straight with him as well?

Nah.

Morrison was a dick anyway.

A/N: I was originally going to use this in another story of mine but dropped it for being too much of a divergent. I thought the skit was worth writing down though and now it exists for you to enjoy/hate. Just to be clear this is not a slash in any way, shape, or form. It's just a little friendship fic.


End file.
